Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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