your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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