New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
