Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
