I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think my vagina is haunted
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
