Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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