when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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