Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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