Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
