so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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