I faked an abortion last night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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