it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
