I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
