Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
