Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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