got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
