i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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