It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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