Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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