His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
