About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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