Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
