everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
