My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
