If that was your dad, he is hot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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