Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
