I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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