Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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