So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
