tonight lets celebrate not being married
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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