So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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