Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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