Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
