You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
