flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
