Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
