what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
