I met the friendliest cop last night
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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