You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
