don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
