My hand turned me down
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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