Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
as a side note pls kill me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
