your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
