i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
