My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
