We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
