Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
