He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize