Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize