so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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