Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Less talking, more tequila
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
