Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize