I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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