No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
