Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
