I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i think my cat just said my name.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
