went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
