I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
