I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
