Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
