Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
