Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
