I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
