IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
