I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
