Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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