well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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