i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
