i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
