someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
