When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
