i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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