And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
