I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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